Customization is More “Pro” Than Actually Being Pro

One of the great benefits of being a blogger is the ability to make friends with people you’ve never actually met, people you meet on the internet. All you can do is act friendly in return and pray that they’re not 45 year old perverts looking to stalk you. I’ve had good luck so far…

Take for example, the Clean Bottle Guy. You know who I’m talking about: that guy dressed in a bottle suit running alongside the Tour de France this year.

You’ve probably seen him at a ‘cross race or two this past season if you live in Northern California. In fact, if you’re local cyclocross star Josh Snead, you’ve probably almost gotten punched in the face at said races.

Anyway, the man beneath the suit is local racer and Clean Bottle founder Dave Mayer, an avid reader of my blog and a pretty frequent blogger in his own right. Because of my blog — or perhaps simply because I will do anything for any amount of free bike stuff — Dave has been supplying me with his unique, distinctive, totally stylish bottles for about eight months. I think it’s more or less a personal sponsorship by now…maybe it’s time for a “defining the relationship” talk.

Now, I’ve heard a few of you out there claim that Clean Bottles are “dorky,” or something to that effect, and I would like to halt such accusations with a few examples of the bottle’s undorkiness.

First of all, the bartender at a divey joint located directly between my laboratory and my house was recently spotted sporting a Clean Bottle behind the bar. ThisĀ  gives the bottles instant street cred.

In addition, if you’re ever in a pinch and need to imbibe liquid really quickly out of a water bottle — let’s say, in the event you are caught trying to sneak beer into a concert — the Clean Bottle provides the most rapid fluid consumption in it’s class (when used in the alternative “Boat Race Mode”).

All that aside, they actually are remarkably easy to clean and function otherwise exactly like your favorite, run-of-the-mill water bottle…which is the point, after all.

Clean Bottle Dave recently offered to produce a limited run of customized “Counterattacking Reality” Clean Bottles, presumably to my specification.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that all you haters can suck my bottles, because that’s pretty “Pro.” Thanks, Dave!

Now, when I eventually get around to designing my custom waterbottles, I’m going to need an awesome logo — one that captures the essence of this blog, reflects my irreverent outlook on bike racing, and is colored to match my little green goblin outfit.

This need for a logo leads me to my second entirely-digital acquaintance, Slonie. Slonie is the artist behind the viral comicbook depiction of the sport of cyclocross, which you must read now if you haven’t already. Somehow, this guy happened across my blog in the midst of my cyclocross adventures this offseason and has been commenting on my inane posts ever since.

Slonie was kind enough — or creepy enough, depending on your perspective — to throw together a quick sketch of me in the same vein as his ‘cross cartoons. Here’s what he produced.

Mom and Dad, I promise I’ve never flipped anyone off in a bike race. Apparently my pencil-and-paper alter ego is just a f*&king a*&hole, though. Sorry.

Anyway, how cool is that? I have a caricature! I think Slonie’s still working on the drawing as we speak, and when he’s satisfied with the final product, I’m going to start slapping that logo all over the place — T-shirts, Clean Bottles, stickers, my bike’s headtube, etc., etc.

With the 2011 season premiere only about 40 hours away, I’m even more excited about my customized accessories. I feel like Barbie awaiting her first date with Ken…or something like that.

To those of you in Northern California: I’ll see you on Saturday in Sacramento at the Cal Aggie Crit. To those of you elsewhere: I hope to see you someday, or at least become digitally acquainted with you soon.

7 responses to “Customization is More “Pro” Than Actually Being Pro

  1. As a 45 yo male that regularly stalks you, I don’t agree with your success in avoiding ‘us’.

  2. i want “counterattacking reality” clean bottle.

  3. Thanks for the shout-out, Rand! I’m just envisioning you in a break-away with a few guys and lap by lap you grind them down. As each one drops off you can take one of your “Breakaway” bottles, throw it at them and yell “You got broke!”. It would be the crit equivalent of giving someone the People’s Elbow ('s%20elbow). Who says crits aren’t spectator friendly?!

    You also bring up an excellent point about “Boat Race” mode. There is also shot-gun mode that the Clean Bottle does well with.

  4. You know, if you got a Rouse you could get your good twin (I don’t buy that he’s the evil likeness) painted on your head tube. Customization = pro, stickers = not pro. Just sayin’.

  5. Your caricature could be you on your bike w/ 15 Yahoo! guys riding on your bike as you carry them to the victory each & every time because they race negatively & smell bad with horse breath & whatnot. That would be the coolest bottle I’ve ever seen because it’s true.

    Speaking of the bottle, those cleanbottles are too damn stiff. No squeezability when your trying to guzzle shit down post haste, on or off the bike. There are times I gotta get my drink on quick.

  6. Hey Sluggo – thanks for the feedback! When did you get your bottles? We have a newer version that is more flexible and I’d be happy to send you one to check out! Just email me at dave at we are working on making them even more flexible but we always like to err on the side of stiffness / durability to ensure they don’t leak and hold up well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s