Sucking at Cycling, Part III

Ah yes, another installment of my favorite topic.

Before we get going, I’d like to point out that my mullet is gaining notoriety, and not just on my own blog.

In spite of what it looks like, I did not pose for that photograph. It’s just hard to avoid the Paparazzi, you know?

Anyway, less than 5 minutes into yesterday’s Snelling Road Race, two morons at the front of the 130-man field tangled and started a massive pileup akin to Stage 1 of the 2003 Tour de France. I could see the entire situation unfolding from my vantage point on the right-hand side of the pack: somersaulting bikes, splintering carbon, flying bottles, detached wheels. Bodies and bikes were strewn across the entire road, from muddy gutter to muddy gutter. My teammate James took a severe shot to the head, and I’m ecstatic to report that he escaped without major injuries; several other teammates were also taken down by the wreck. I’d estimate that at least 30 riders came off the bike, and the remaining 80 riders caught behind the mayhem were forced to come to a complete standstill.

After one lap of spirited chasing, my teammate Joel and I were back in the pack, a depleted group of about 70 riders, and we were ready for some suffering.

40 miles later, I managed to weasel my way into the eventual winning move. I was pretty happy that my legs responded positively to the idea of road racing. I felt great.

That’s when, out of nowhere, my right leg cramped badly. I was forced to sit on the side of the road for several minutes, wincing in pain like a little crybaby. If you want to let your teammates down…I can give you some tips. Cramping out of the winning breakaway is one of the best.

Daniel Holloway (Bissell) ended up winning the race just ahead of Ryan Parnes and Chad Gerlach, so it’s likely that I would have gotten rocked had I managed to make it to the finish after all.

Last night, after the three-hour car ride from Snelling to San Francisco, I did some soul-searching (read: drank some IPAs) and came to the conclusion that I would race again. We’ll discuss that later.

I did some internet searching in addition to the soul searching; check out this awesome new product I found.

Yep. Mullet-scented air freshener, complete with a creepy, mullet-sniffing deer.

If I find the time, I’ll try to write about today’s race later tonight.

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